Excerpt from "Jada's Journey" by dkWard Copyright '13
I couldn’t imagine what Brandon was doing at my job, and just seeing his face sent my mind spinning with pictures of our not-so-Holy past. Wait, let me correct that; our totally sinful, unholy, God-forbidden, I need to be ashamed of myself, past. There, now THAT’S the whole truth.
You see, it’s like this; when he and I get together, I seem to forget all about Jesus and my salvation. I seem to forget about everything, all my responsibilities, all my plans, dreams, goals, everything, and all I want to do is him. It’s like he consumes me, every single part of me, my mind, my body, and my soul. When I was with him, he was all I could think about. He became my God and idol. I got caught up in our look, too. You know, we looked good together. We always wore the latest fashions, kept our vehicles looking good, bling everywhere. I could see people looking at us because we were a hot couple and we knew it.
To add to that, we were wherever anything was happening; the concerts, the plays, anywhere we could be seen together. I guess we were our own kind of celebrities in a way; some kind of power couple. Power for what, I do not know, but we looked the part.
He’s a bad habit I picked up over five years ago on my 25th birthday. He came to my party with one of my friends from high school. Though I should, I’ll never forget it. I had the time of my life, while I watched him watch me all night long. He waited there at the bar until we were the last one’s there. I remember my girlfriend’s faces when I insisted that I wanted to have one more glass of wine; alone, and that I was perfectly fine.
Three weeks later, after several romantic dinners, my choices of movies, and even art museums, he not-so-politely pinned me against a wall one night when we were leaving his apartment. I remember him lifting my arms above my head and holding them there (just like something you’d see on t.v.) as he just barely touch my body with his, he put his cheek right up against mine and whispered some pretty strong words in my ear..
“I’ve got a lot, but I’m missing a lot. I need you.
You’re that one, that one that moves me like I want to be moved.
I want you, period, in every way.
I feel you when you’re gone.
I want you around me, in my lap (yep, he said that)
In my face and on my mind.
Let me in one time, and I promise,
I’ll fill you up like you ain’t never been filled up before
But I’ll be the one that stays. I’ll be good to you, Jada.
Just Let me in.”
And I did just that. That night, our souls became one and it never should have happened. Because nobody, and I do mean nobody, should have you missing work, church, and breaking commitments just so you can lay around and have sexfests! Excuse me, I mean, slumber parties! Nobody! Nobody! Brandon is a problem!!!!
So one night, after nearly three years of this wild and crazy relationship that was built totally on sex, I believe the Lord made me have the craziest, scariest dream I’d ever had and it was all about the man lying right next to me; Brandon. He was dragging me down this nasty black tunnel. It was like a cave, and it was filled with snakes and rats and these black shadowy figures that were reaching for me! I saw fire at the end of the tunnel and I could hear chains. It was so scary, and I kept trying to wake up, but it felt like something was holding me down. I even had my eyes open, at one point. I could see in the room, but it was like I was trapped! I looked over, and I could see Brandon’s face. He was asleep, but his face…it looked horrible. It was so ugly and scary looking to me.
I remember screaming, Jesus and that’s when I woke up. That was the scariest thing I’d ever seen and it was just what it took to send me running back to the Lord. That night, I vowed to stay as far away from this man as I possibly could. I figured if he wasn’t around, I couldn’t be tempted.
I had to practically run from him sometimes, but even after God showed me in that dream what was going on, there were still a few times when my body, my flesh got the best of me, and I took chances with my life and ate from that tree again. It took me a very long time and a lot of work to get to the place in my mind where I didn’t want to be with him anymore, and now here he was, my greatest temptation, standing less than 3 ft. away from me. So what if he’s smelling good and looking good. So what, if everything in my lower parts is screaming, ‘get your hat, get your coat, and get your bag and take off sick for the day!! I can’t do it!! I can’t go back. It took me too long to get free!
So, I guess you get it; Brandon is MY “thing”, my weight of sin that doth so easily beset me.
“What are YOU doing here?!” I spit the words out as nasty as I could in an effort to keep my distance and to make sure our encounter was as brief as possible.
“Wow Baby, is that any way to greet a friend you haven’t seen in a year?” The words slithered from his mouth like sticky, come-eat-the-fruit, poison. Yes, he had it like that. This man could say, “Let’s go to a funeral” and it would do something to me. I did say, “Easily beset me”, right? Right.
“I’ve got a lot of work to do, so goodbye.” I tried hard to sound like I meant it, but my eyes always tell how I really feel, and Brandon knew it. My flesh missed him. He was familiar to me, something I hadn’t done in a long time.
“Come here, girl” he said as he reached for my waist pulling me to himself. Suddenly the hallway seemed so small, and I knew somebody was looking, if nobody else, God saw me about to lose everything I’d gotten in those many Sunday services I’d attended faithfully, including the one from just the day before.
Where is that Derek when I need him?!!
I felt myself giving in. Thoughts started to fill my mind like, “What’s one round between friends. What could it hurt? Take a break from the whole righteousness thing. The Lord will forgive you. He loves you.”
It’s was like I was fighting myself, fighting those thoughts. I really didn’t want to do it. Suddenly, a scripture came to mind; No temptation has overtaken you… he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, …will provide the way of escape…”. My big sister, Carolyn made me memorize I Corinthians 10:13 a couple years ago when I admitted to her that I needed deliverance from this man. I thought I was quoting it to myself, you know, in my head, but I guess I was talking out loud because he stepped back and said, “Wait a minute, baby. I didn’t mean for you to sic the Trinity on me.”
That helped. So, I said, “Just what do you want, Brandon. Why are you here?”
“I want to do something special for you, baby” he said, confidently.
“Oh! Unh, unh. No way. No, thank you.” I meant what I said, and this time it showed in my eyes because he began to plead with me.
“Jada Baby, listen. I know how much you want this music thing and my dude set me up with something you can’t miss. This could be the break you’ve been looking for. For real though. You know I would never do anything to hurt you, baby. You know me better than that.” He said.
Then he handed me a business card with all the information I could need, printed on the back. This so-called special event was scheduled to take place in two weeks on a Saturday night.
“I’ll see you then, Baby,” he said, kissing me on my forehead. Then he just left me standing there.
As I watched him walk away, a million thoughts were running through my mind. Brandon had come hard with a a possible key to my destiny, a future in the music business. This was something I wanted more than anything, and he knew it, but would God use my weakness to bless me? Should I go to this meeting with a man who is such a big temptation to me knowing that one thing could possibly lead to another? Would God do this? ~
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